Mister Magnus
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto is not amused as the Acolytes highlight some of his more well-known and less appealing attributes.


**Mister Magnus**

"Ohhh," Mastermind groaned as he limped into the recreation room.

"Well look who's here," Remy glanced over at him. He, Piotr and Pyro were lounging around while in the middle of various activities.

"Oh my back, my head, my ribs," Mastermind gasped as he fell into a chair. "My legs. Can't feel my legs..."

"What happened to you?" Piotr asked setting down his pool cue.

"Was Mags running you through another training session?" Pyro inquired turning off the TV.

"Worse," Mastermind moaned painfully. "I ate the last of the poppyseed muffins this morning. Magneto got so upset he dragged me into his laboratory and made me clean and rearrange everything in it. By hand!"

"Even the industrial radiation chambers?" Pyro asked.

"Yes," Mastermind moaned closing his eyes.

"Ouch," Remy winced sympathetically. "We should've have warmed you _homme_. Don't touch the poppyseed muffins. Mags is really partial to them."

"No one is allowed to have the poppyseed muffins," Piotr added. "Magneto is the only one who can have them. There are several other foods he reserves solely for himself."

"Like the prosciutto," Pyro said.

"And the scallops," Remy added.

"And all the double chocolate French silk mocha ice cream," Pyro provided.

"I get the picture," Mastermind groaned rolling his head to the side. "Thanks for the warning. It's only a few hours late!"

"No problem, mate," Pyro chirped cheerfully. "Just letting you know about the Erik Idiosyncrasies."

"Erik? Who's Erik?" Mastermind mumbled absently.

"Erik," Pyro repeated. "You know. Mags."

"His name is Erik?" Mastermind opened his eyes in surprise. "I thought his name was Magnus."

"Na, that's his last name," Pyro waved.

"Really? I thought his last name was Lensherr," Piotr scratched his head.

"I thought it was Maximoff," Remy commented. "Since that's the last name of his kids."

"No. Maximoff is the name of the couple who adopted them," Mastermind managed to get out. "At least that is what I saw when I went through that one girl's memories."

"Wow, Mags sure has a lot of different names," Pyro whistled. "Think he has any more we don't know about?"

"Wouldn't surprise me," Remy shrugged. "He probably has a whole list of different aliases he goes by. Names like Max, Michael, Joseph..."

"Well whatever his name, Magneto certainly enjoys administering harsh and painful punishments," Mastermind winced leaning his head back again.

"Fair dinkum," Pyro gave a brief shudder. "Better hope he never makes you do the model song."

"Magneto does have a rather large cruel streak in him," Piotr muttered darkly.

"Cruel? He's plain mean!" Pyro exclaimed. "No matter how small the offense is, tick Mags off and he'll throw the book at you!"

"Hear, hear," Remy and Piotr nodded.

"And he always makes you speak to him with respect," Pyro went on. "Makes you call him 'sir', 'boss', 'lord', 'master'..."

"'Mister'," Piotr provided.

"Exactly!" Pyro got up and pretended to address Magneto. "Yes sir! No sir! Right boss! Okay boss! Got it Magnus! As you say Magnus!" Pyro stopped and turned to face his fellow Acolytes. "_Mister Magnus. Mister Magnus. He's the meanest man in the whole wide world. In the whole wide world, you can feel it!_"

"Not really," Mastermind groaned painfully. "I can't feel much of **anything** at the moment."

"_He's a miser_," Piotr remarked about Magneto.

"_He's a skinflint_," Remy added.

"_He's a heartless one! Nasty by the ton! He'd blackmail the sun! If it pleased him!_" Pyro shouted.

"I can believe that," Mastermind moaned too tired to do anything else.

"_He's a knave! He's a villain!_" The three younger Acolytes sang as Pyro began to skip around the room. "_What a game for a villain to play! Day after day!_"

"Yet another sign of Magneto's cruelty," Mastermind groaned covering his ears. "He didn't make me deaf!"

"_Mister Magnus! Mister Magnus!_" Remy and Piotr jumped up and joined Pyro. "_Will be just as mean as he's ever been! And we're here to say we should all send Mister Magnus!_" The trio of young Acolytes bowed and waved at an imaginary Magneto. "_On his old magnetic way!_"

"These people need serious help," Mastermind sighed as Pyro giggled maniacally and quickly ran out of the room. "Though not as much as I do!"

"Hahahahaha!" Remy laughed as he and Piotr continued to dance around. "_Mister Magnus! Mister Magnus! He's the rottenest man in the universe! And there's no one worse, you can tell it!_"

"You said it," Piotr smiled. "_He's a rascal!_"

"_He's a bandit!_" Remy smirked.

"Look who's talking," Mastermind mumbled.

Remy ignored him and continued dancing around. "_He's a heartless cad! An uncaring dad! With a taste that's bad! Towards fashion!_"

"Ta da!" Pyro appeared in the doorway wearing Magneto's spare cape and helmet. He swaggered into the room in an exaggerated impersonation of Magneto. "_It's a crime!_"

"_It's a scandal!_" Remy and Piotr laughed while trying to run from him. "_What a game for a vandal to play! Day after day!_"

"Silence!" Pyro boomed holding up a hand. Remy and Piotr pretended to cower in fear in front of him. "I am Lord Master who-knows-how-many-names Magneto! I am the only one allowed to have fun! I am the only one who can make rules! I am the center of everything and everything is to serve me! I..." Pyro turned around and faced a very furious Magneto. "Uh oh."

"I am **NOT amused**!" Magneto looked about to erupt.

"Oh bugger," Pyro gulped.

"You dare to mock and ridicule **me**?!" Magneto thundered with murder in his eyes. "I'll show you a mockery after I finish riddling you full of holes...ow!" Magneto yelped as a pillow smacked him in the face.

"Now's our chance!" Remy shouted. "Run!"

"Right!" Piotr and Pyro quickly did so.

"GET BACK HERE YOU IDIOTS!" Magneto shouted as the Acolytes laughed and quickly tore out of the room. He immediately flew after them. "YOU FOOLS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS BLATANT DISPLAY OF IMPERTINENCE!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro cackled maniacally as they ran.

"What the heck's going on here?" Sabertooth appeared in the hallway only to have the other Acolytes run over him.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

THUD!

"Ohhh," Sabertooth whimpered painfully while sprawled out on the floor. "I had to ask. Ow..."

"_If you distrust Mister Magnus!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr laughed while scrambling to stay ahead of Magneto's wrath. "_It's as well to know that we told you so! 'Cause we're here to say we should all send Mister Magnus!_"

"I'll send you lunatics somewhere!" Magneto roared coming to an intersection. "I'll send you all to meet your makers!"

"He he he!" Pyro's head popped out from a storage room. "_Mister Magnus!_"

"_Mister Magnus!_" Piotr's head appeared around a corner.

"_Mister Magnus!_" Remy's head dropped down from one of the ceiling tiles.

"_Mister Magnus!_" All three of them called out before disappearing. "_On his old magnetic way!_"

"AAAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed in frustration. "And I thought being addressed with an honorific was a sign of esteem and respect!"

* * *

******Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Father Christmas".**


End file.
